This blog is offered by Rachael Martin, one of the awesome instructors I met recently. It clearly indicates the value of understanding and using I messages instead of you messages (as taught in Chapter 2 of the RCT curriculum), checking for unmet needs using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need and how asking the questions helped move her son from a place where he was being driven by emotion to a place where he was able to process the information – Aaryce Hayes – SVP Operations
Did you know this Mandt stuff works?! Of course you know it works, that is why you teach it.
When I got home from day 2 of Mandt instructor training, I greeted my family and went to take a shower. My 7-year-old son, Xander started running around the house, throwing a ball and started to scream. My instinct was to tell him to “chill out,” but then I figured I’d try some of my new tools.
I said: “Xander, I would be really sad if someone hit his head on the corner of the kitchen table and got hurt.” He stopped running but continued to scream and throw toys. Then I said: “When I came home I gave everyone a hug and said hello, right?” He replied “…yes”
I said: “Ok, everyone has been fed, everyone is clean and safe, do you have any unmet needs?”
He stopped, smiled, and said, “no, I’m good! I’m going to go play with Anastasia now.”
Xander has been diagnosed with ADHD and often when he starts to run and scream and throw things he spirals out of control and has become violent. Typically, this only occurs at home and with me. When this happens it causes an emotional response from my husband and I as we are trying to keep everyone safe. We have also found that this behavior makes us feel like inadequate parents. Using I messages and specific questions helped him move from one place in his brain to another which allowed him to breathe and think. The technique invited him instead of demanding that he de-escalate.