One mistake we frequently make when working with someone in crisis is believing that the escalated person can think logically. When faced with anger, aggression, defiance, or panic we tend to offer explanations, present consequences, or use logic to calm the person down. Anyone who has worked in schools, behavioral health, crisis services, or law enforcement has probably been at some point frustrated by watching logic go out the window during an escalation.
The reason is not stubbornness. It is neuroscience.
Numerous studies have indicated that stress and feelings of threat negatively affect executive functioning circuits in the brain and decrease a person’s capacity for reasoning, problem solving and impulse control (Arnsten, 2009). During these times, areas of the brain involved with detecting threats are heightened, moving us away from reasoned thinking to fight-flight responses (LeDoux, 2015).
The Thinking Brain vs. the Survival Brain
Today we know the brain isn’t strictly divided into three parts. However, the concept of the “triune brain” is still handy when teaching about brain structure. Imagine the portion of the brain involved with thinking is the prefrontal cortex up front. Then, deeper brain structures like the amygdala help perceive threats and act to keep us safe.
The prefrontal cortex is where our skills that keep us nodding along during normal conversation come from. It helps us think about consequences, curb our impulses, problem-solve, understand others and think flexibly. You can think of it as the chief executive officer of the brain.
The amygdala has a different job. Its role is to scan the environment for threats. If it senses something—be it physical, emotional or psychological—that may be harmful to you, it can initiate quick protective responses before the thinking brain has time to process what’s going on.
This was once useful in the wild. If the amygdala detected a predator, we jumped out of the way or ran. The problem is the amygdala can react to many of the same situations today: feeling embarrassed, humiliated, rejected, afraid, out of control, or disrespected.
The Amygdala Hijack
Psychologist Daniel Goleman (2020) coined the phrase “amygdala hijack” to refer to times when our emotional and survival instincts take over temporarily and take the rational mind offline. When protecting becomes more important than reasoning.
Upon receiving an alert from the amygdala, your sympathetic nervous system floods your body with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Your heart begins to race. You start breathing differently. Your muscles tense up. You focus only on the threat in front of you.
It’s amazing that we can do all of this, but it comes at a price.
Arnsten’s research (2009) has shown that high levels of stress hinder the ability of the prefrontal cortex to function properly. The higher the stress, the less able a person is to reason, make plans, self-regulate or look for other options. Basically, the area of the brain we are attempting to influence when trying to deescalate someone becomes…. unavailable.
So when we say, “think about what you’re doing”, during a time of crisis, we may very well have already fried the thinking systems required to respond to that statement.
Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Beyond
Most of us know about fight-or-flight reactions. Neuroscience has discovered a few more survival responses, though. Some individuals fight. Some flee. Some freeze. And some submit externally while freaking out internally.
Neither of these lists is exhaustive. Also, these reactions don’t necessarily happen by choice. Often, they’re automatic responses created by the nervous system trying to regain a sense of safety.
When we realize this, we stop looking at behavior and start asking questions like, “Why is that person fighting me?” And we replace it with, “What is that person’s nervous system fighting?”
Why “Calm Down” Rarely Works
Few phrases are more common during escalation than “calm down.” Unfortunately, it is also one of the least effective.
When someone is highly activated, their brain is already detecting threat. Being told to calm down can feel dismissive, controlling, or invalidating, which may further increase distress. Additionally, the instruction provides little practical guidance for a nervous system already operating in survival mode.
People rarely calm down because they are told to. They calm down when they begin to feel safe.
Practical Applications for De-Escalation
Understanding the neuroscience of escalation has important implications for practice.
Stop arguing. Trying to win an argument or force someone to agree with you when their thinking brain is offline will often meet with even greater resistance.
Make as few demands as possible. Each additional demand may be seen as one more stressor by an already overwhelmed nervous system.
Keep your language simple. Short, succinct statements are processed more easily than long lectures when someone is in a heightened state of emotional arousal.
Slow your speech. Speaking calmly, slowly, and with a non-threatening demeanor allows your volume, tone, and physical presence to signal less danger and allow executive functioning to slowly resume.
De-escalating someone isn’t about being “right.” It’s about helping their nervous system return to a state where they can think, learn, and problem-solve once again.
When logic fails during a crisis, remember … it may not be that they don’t want to think. It’s that their thinking brain is temporarily offline.
By Tim Geels, MA – Mandt Contract Faculty
References
Arnsten, A. F. T. (2009). Stress signaling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 410–422. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2648
LeDoux, J. E. (2015). Anxious: Using the brain to understand and treat fear and anxiety. Viking.
Goleman, D. (2020). Emotional intelligence (25th anniversary ed.). Bantam Books.
